Oh my goodness! It's been two months since I blogged, and I even forget my blogspot address!!! I had to look it up....where have the last two months gone? That is what I'm blogging about--the passage of time and realizing you haven't really taken care of yourself or done things that are important to "who" you are.

I am trying to reconnect with myself. (So many hats we wear when we are trying to do what others want us to do....instead of what we want to do). And how does a woman lose herself? It's a piece at a time, a day at a time, a season at a time. Then one day you wake up and say to yourself "who am I? how did I get where I am at? what do I really want to do? how am I going to be 'me' again?"

And that is how I got to TODAY. Today is the day I looked at myself and didn't recognize who I am or how I got here until I delved deeply into my soul and realized I had sold out again. When some friends and I were having lunch yesterday, one of them said to me "how many degrees do you need?" in response to something I said. And that is so true! For some reason, I have pursued education relentlessly, pursued various jobs, job satisfaction and more income, pursued friendships and relationships, and in general--pursued excellence in all. My unspoken motto has been to "do" and not to "be."

But today is different. I asked myself if it would be o.k. to take life a little easier, relax, and even enjoy a bath. And I said yes! So on a very ordinary Saturday in March, I took it easy, enjoyed my grandsons, took a short nap, took a bath and shaved my legs, smoked a chicken, and got my heart ready for a planned evening in my family room watching a movie with my husband and eating off of t.v. trays. It's o.k.to enjoy life. So now that I have spent one day trying to get back to the young woman who used to enjoy taking care of herself and relaxing (about 38 years after I lost her!), I am going to take one day at a time to continue finding out who and what I am, and what I want to do with the rest of my life.

The hats I've worn in the last 30 or so years have been wife, mother, daughter, sister, kindergarten teacher, librarian, grandmother, preschool teacher, mentor and friend. All of those things are o.k., and I do believe God was in a lot of those decisions, however I also believe God created me with a heart and a passion for pursuing Him, and nothing else really matters. If today, and the rest of my life I pursue Him with all my heart, I will find myself.