I was thinking the other day about the life of a teacher (because it has been my life for most of my adult life). Our "fiscal year" runs from August to May. Therefore, our summer begins when the last day of classes ends! Summer is a feeling for me, instead of a season. When I can let down my hair, wear scruffy clothes, work in the yard with no makeup, take a nap when I am needing a break, dream big dreams and write in my journal, and get out the grill every night--it is officially summer.
The last two summers weren't summers at all for me. Only the hot weather lined up with what summer should be. The rest was very difficult. Summer before last, I decided I would be a cripple someday if I didn't have both feet operated on for bunions. That "summer" brought Tom waiting on me hand and foot--no pun intended--as I hobbled to and from the bathroom with crutches, suffered bed-rest for two weeks before graduating to a wheelchair, and literally threw up my guts from allergies to three different prescription pain medications. There is no chance of me ever being addicted to pain medicine. I won't touch the stuff! Finally, healing happened by the power and grace of God, and school began again.
The school year 2011-2012 brought with it a decline in my mother's health. She had been valiantly fighting breast cancer, albeit a delayed start as she told herself it wasn't cancer for nearly two years before we found out. We prayed with all our might that she would beat it, but by April 2012, it was recurring in her brain and spine and was too hard to take care of her at home. We found an available nursing home. Mom was bedridden and died June 29th of 2012. So began the saddest summer ever of my life as we made decisions she hadn't wanted to make:
*end of life issues at the hospital
*where to bury her
*funeral plans
*what to do with the house and her possessions
*how to handle her not having a will
and then figuring out:
*how to thank all the people who gave us overwhelming support
*how to honor her memory yet somehow still keep functioning for our spouses, families and in our workplaces
We all made it through the year, and through all the "first" holidays without her. Fourth of July without her homeade ice cream, her birthday August 27th without being able to give her gifts, my first birthday in 55 years without my mom making me a cake, Thanksgiving without her pecan pie, and Christmas without loads of beautiful gifts in gift bags, the green lace tablecloth adorning an opulent table full of scrumptious appetizers, and Christmas touches everywhere in her home.
When winter break came, and the deadline I had set for myself starting to pack so we could list the house, I was overwhelmed with new grief! Particularly because I missed the "old" mom I had before her new marriage to Don in 2005. That was really the point at which I lost my mom because we never had another conversation alone except on the telephone. She and Don were always together and I couldn't get her to do something with me alone. I guess he was her protector and because she was getting married for the 3rd time, she wanted to make sure it worked. With waves of grief intermingled with memories and seeing things I hadn't seen in 30-40 years, I began the arduous process of sorting out what to keep, what to give away, and what to sell. Thanks to the support of two wonderful brothers, a wonderful husband, and three wonderful children and their spouses, I survived! Fast forward to spring/summer of 2013. It has been a whirlwind of being busy. Never before have I "needed" a summer as I need this one. Time to regroup, get a new perspective, and start year #2 on June 29th--without mom.
Summer plans are: teach summer reading!, plant beautiful plants and herbs, plant grass in the bare spots, deep clean the house, read in the hammock, go to the pool for memorable times with Chelsea, Carson, and Easton, have fun with Michelle, travel to Phoenix to see/hug Cameron and Kelly and help them get ready for the baby, go to Branson to spend some time with Dad, Carolyn, Rod, and Linda, ride my new bike, and try some new recipes--grillin' time.
S-U-M-M-E-R.
