Christmas and other winter thoughts

Christmas is almost here, and this has been a different Christmas season than I have ever experienced. It just proves that life is ever-changing and we need to appreciate every day, every person, and literally every moment. Before Thanksgiving we discovered that my mom had symptoms that needed a physician's attention. We had no idea that she was suffering from a mass--and drainage from that breast mass...I thought it was diabetes, colitis, or another digestive issue. Something that I have come to accept, and we all to come to terms with is that mom didn't seek medical treatment in the beginning two-and-one half years ago when she first noticed something was not right with her body. We can't understand her choices, but now the only thing we can do is unconditionally love her, and accept her, and remember the good things we have experienced because of having her as our mother and grandmother.

I am sad, but I know that I need to "buck up" and make this Christmas a meaningful one, put my own feelings aside, and think of everyone in the family. At this time, more than ever our eyes have to be on Jesus and the reason for this Christmas season.

I love my Christmas present--Soca Stream. My whole life I've loved the fizzy stuff. I was a little disappointed to find out that the Cola syrup from Soda Stream had Splenda. I remember having symptoms of MS when I finally decided to cut Splenda out of my life a couple years ago. Last night I found some cola and root beer syrup on the Williams Sonoma website that is supposed to be like the colas of my youth--when it was made with cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup. Can't wait to try that. In fact, I never even considered Williams Sonoma had a website. This will be a fun venture!

Tom has been home sick the last few days, and the t.v. has been going nonstop--and blaring loud, in fact. I told Tom that hearing the t.v. has never been one of my favorite things to do, even when I am sick, and he said he has nothing else to do! Reminds me of a 13-year old boy. How is it that I can ALWAYS find something to do? There are things to clean,things to organize, things to read, things to love!@#$%&^ Men...such funny creatures. If this is a preview of retirement, I think he better stay working, even if it's flipping hamburgers.

The coffee is yummy this morning, especially out of my Christmas coffee cup. This is my favorite time of the year. People Magazine had an article about Jessica Simpson releasing a new Christmas album. I can't wait to get it. The mood, the songs, the decorations, the lights, the hope, the promise---daily reminders that Jesus was born to be our Saviour. Jesus, I RECEIVE!You are the greatest gift of all from our loving Father.I'm expecting miracles this season. I feel it... It's one thing to have it in your head, but when it moves to your heart, watch out! Christmas blessings abound...

Post Thanksgiving, Pre Christmas

Oh my...deep breaths. Thanksgiving was wonderful--a whirlwind of family, food and fun. It went so fast. I tried to enjoy every minute, and not be concerned with details that stress me! I did pretty well on the little things--I have to admit I have conquered the feeling I have to control everything that doesn't even matter in the long run. Those things are messes, laundry, food on the floor,smears, etc. etc. etc. In fact, those things endear you to people and make "family" what it is. People are precious and their personalities and idiosyncracies are individual and wonderful. For example, while playing Catch Phrase (my favorite game) you really get to know your family members. The way they use words and actions to describe something is amazing and it's so much fun to get to know everyone better and share time together.

I have NOT conquered getting over the things that do matter, and the big issues. They loom like an elephant in the room and I want to eat it (NOT one bite at a time) all at once. Translated--get rid of it! During another game (Imaginiff) my family chose me, and the card was "Imagine if Cindy were a battle...would she be (5 choices)"--they said "and you can't say all of the above"--i.e. I am a fighter! But I ask you--if you ever have a real battle to fight, would you want me or someone who laid down and gave up? It is hard to put into words here what I am talking about because I don't want to offend, but there are things that do matter. I'm talking about morals and life decisions, not making the same tragic mistake twice (or more), and about things that really DO matter.It is hard for me to see someone in the family making choices that will affect all of us. I do believe in grace, repentance, and forgiveness, but I am not at all good at concealing a sin, turning a blind eye, and turning the other cheek. Jesus, where are you in this? And where are you in the difficult area regarding denial? Thus, one of my favorite quotes by John Maxwell: "Sin will take you further than you want to go. It will keep you longer than you want to stay, and it will cost you more than you want to pay." Jesus, you must be disappointed in some choices resulting from free will too.

So, to make a long story short, there is still a long way for me to go on this earth of being like Jesus. I hope and pray this Christmas will be peaceful, and a time of wonder and delight. I will focus on my kids and grandkids, the birth of Jesus, and having a thankful heart for all my many blessings. I will give with a pure heart. I will let Jesus wield the sword and fight my battles for me.

Hallelujah, glory to God in the highest...

Thanksgiving

title="Wordle: Thanksgiving"> src="http://www.wordle.net/thumb/wrdl/2764681/Thanksgiving"
alt="Wordle: Thanksgiving"
style="padding:4px;border:1px solid #ddd">

I know this assault on my mind, body and spirit is just to get my focus off of God; and in fact to convince me that I am inadequate and God doesn't care for me. That is what we all suffer from since sin came into the world...thinking God doesn't love us.

It is time to spend some time with the One I love the most, and the One who cares for me. He will never leave me or forsake me--withdraw His love from me. AND, I am blessed, highly favored of the Lord and empowered to prosper. AND greater is He in me than the one who is in the world.

In reality, everything is fine, fine, fine as Josh Turner says in his song "Everything is Fine." "I make a point to thank the Lord when I've got Him on the line. I'm feeling good and everything is fine."

Breathe, Cindy. You can handle this. God is on your side. He cares for you!RELAX. Give Him your burdens. He is strong enough to handle them. Surreal, how peace can come flooding in when you ask Good night all. I will be wrapped in Jesus' arms as I sleep.

Blessed is BEST!

I have to be the most blessed woman in the world. I am so grateful to God that Cameron came home for a visit for my birthday and to see Easton. (And everyone else!) It is a dream come true. I have been missing him SOOOOOO much. I know the girls feel bad like they think I love him more, and that is not true at all. I just have never spent a birthday without all my kids around, so this year was hard, and a little weird. Now it all feels normal and happy. I love the noise in the house! All the laughter, loud talking, playing, ideas flowing back and forth. Family is the sweetest sound in the world, and I give all the glory to God. God, I love you more than anything, and am so thankful you gave me this wonderful FAMILY!

My last post was over a week ago. Where does the time go? In the last week, I have been nonstop preschool. The days and nights are mixing together...keeping up with preschool during the day, then cleaning the preschool, getting supplies, planning. I am so thankful tomorrow is Friday, and even more thankful that I went to a 4-day pre-k week so I have the morning off. Praise God. Tried to work on my class tonight and fell asleep reading the textbook. This is a very slow process when I can't stay away to read the text! Maybe in the morning...On to better news--am reading The Scarlet Thread by Francine Rivers. I love Francine Rivers' novels! I love to read. Maybe someday I will be imparting that to students as a reading teacher. Praise God. I'd love that. If God is for us, who can be against us? Good night.

This blog is a safe place to pour out my heart! Weird day, so far. Church alone, then to Mom and Don's and pick up Chinese food at the mall, and a few cards. I am swearing off Pepsi, so I'm a little tipsy feeling. I know what you are thinking! Should be wine that does that, but it's not, it's withdrawing from all that sugar. I need to finish my preschool plans and then read the first chapter in my reading text. Help me get motivated, God.


Francine Rivers--you have done a number on my heart with Her Mother's Hope. I have deeply cried, more than once. I think it is stirring up feelings I had buried. Later...after Tom gets home, things will be normal, I hope. Gonna get very busy and deeply engrossed, so I don't THINK.

Love, love, love. Jesus IS the answer...

Wow!

I had to stop mixing up coffeecake to post how excited I am every time I use my KitchenAid mixer. It is amazing!!! I'm making a lemon coffeecake with cream cheese filling. The radio is softly playing country music, the sun is shining, and the air is cool and beautiful. I love life--especially when things are going my way--aren't we all like that? I stayed up until 2:00 a.m. again working on preschool. I was getting the handbook into this year's format and then sending a pdf file to all parents. I feel surprisingly "free" now even though I still have MUCH to do. The to-do list is long, but obviously the things on it are less weighty, because I feel a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders. I have plans to go through Taco Shop drive-through for lunch. It is going to be an AMAZING day. Thank you, JESUS. :)

Today's womanly feat

Today's feat was getting into "blackboard" on the FHSU website. I'm a student once again. I have completed a master's degree and I had to read the syllabus twice (for understanding). The class will be hard, but good for me.I've been in the little kid world for over two years now, so we'll see how I do with entering the academic world once again. My word choice will have to get larger than: "O.k. sweetie. Do it like this! Play nice. In a minute... What color is it?"

You get the picture. It is essentially the same as entering the work world after being home with your own kids for a number of years. You think your brain turned to mush, but it really didn't. It was there all along. It is like a muscle and needs exercised. So here goes in exercising my brain. It wouldn't be a bad idea to exercise my body once again also.

I forgot to post something darling Carson said. I was telling Chelsea a story and naming lots of names in succession and Carson said "don't forget...da da da da da." He hears people say that when they mean "etc." I laughed and laughed.

I am thanking God today for my many many blessings. It has been wonderful to slow down this summer and do things that I have wanted to do for years. I even have my goals for next summer! The goal is to go through keepsakes under the bed and the crawl space.

I LOVE MY FAMILY! I am so proud of all my kids and what they are doing in the world. They are all wonderful kids and so are their spouses. How can one woman be so blessed? I will let you ponder that. Until tomorrow...
Mrs. C

Oh my goodness! It is so late!!! I wanted to post yesterday, but the whole day got away from me. We went to small group, church, out to eat pizza, and then I worked on cleaning and projects while Tom napped. Later in the afternoon--4:00--we went to Chelsea and John's to help with the baby's room and putting their basement back together. The baby's room is precious! Light green, light blue, and cream. The way the light shines in is soothing, and he is going to be one loved babyyyyyyyyyy!!! Can't wait. In the meantime, I'm spoiling baby #1: Carson, and loving every minute of giving him hugs, kisses, gum, and playing with him and teasing him. The cutest thing ever was today when I was on speakerphone with him and I said I wanted to talk to "mommy.' He said "grammy, can you say is mommy abailable?" Yes that is a b, and not a v. It is so precious!!! I don't know how I will be able to start school and not see him as much. It will be different having him for a student, as opposed to a grandson. All good, though.

Today found me working, working, working. Details galore. Faxed, scanned, promoted Livinity and worked on Connect Me Voice, got ready for the meeting,watered grass, went to Wal-Mart. The funny thing is I felt anxious today. No more coffee than usual, but my heart was pounding, and mind racing. I suppose it was from being on a "dead run" today! Can't think of anything else. I am no more stressed out than usual!

Please Lord help me get my handbook and class lists done tomorrow. Pictures of the preschoolers up would be awesome also. And first day plans! Do we have time to have a baby? Fall and school are starting. O.K., the answer is yes. We have to make time. Just like 3 years ago. I remember thinking there is no ideal time to slow down and have a baby. Therefore, we are supposed to "go with the flow" and slow down. It is God's way of helping us rest and treasure what is really important in this life.

Well, I better sign off and get these scratchy contacts out. Tomorrow will bring more work on my two classes. Oh yes, one (KCSL) is going well, but can't even figure out how to access the FHSU online class. Go figure!

L a t e r . . .

Today

Today was such a good day. There are days I am in the "zone" as a woman...and really accomplishing the feminine purpose that God has for me. When I woke up, I immediately felt good today, where some days it is a struggle to wake up, or I hurt somewhere. Today, I felt rejuvenated and alive after a good night's sleep, and ready to start the day! I could smell coffee brewing in the kitchen, and Tom must have heard me stirring, because he came in and gave me a kiss. I gathered some things around me that I wanted to read, and I drank coffee in bed while reading. The light was beautiful in the house when I walked into the kitchen, and I thought it would be a great day to make a coffeecake, so I dug out my recipes. The ripe pears looked so good, so I settled for that and a blueberry bagel, and got to work. Work for me today was sorting papers--preschool and personal--transferring pictures to the computer, light housecleaning, searching for recipes, babysitting, and running to the grocery store for a gift, card, and a few other things we needed. We ended the day by celebrating a surprise 40th for Laurie at Thirsty's. Good friends, good food, laughter, happy conversations, love...the stuff life is made of. Tomorrow I'm going to start my weight-loss portion of the blog. Good night, all!